Just Another Name
by the shadow proves the sunshine
Summary: The real reason Susan threw herself into things of the world.Inspired by Lifehouse's "Just Another Name." One-shot.


Just Another Name

**Summary: **The real reason Susan threw herself into things of the world. One-shot. Inspired by Lifehouse's "Just Another Name."

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Pevensies, Narnia, or anything related to Narnia. I do not own "Just Another Name".

**Author's Note: **While I love life after Narnia fics, one of my pet peeves is where authors give Susan no motive to have a sudden change in behavior. This is my attempt to reconcile the two personalities of Susan Pevensie.

--

_Which mask will you wear today?_

_How 'bout the one with the pretty smile?_

_To you it's just another day_

_in a life you haven't lived in quite a while_

_-Just Another Name, Lifehouse-_

_--_

Edmund was the first to realize something wasn't right. He had always been a light sleeper, and was even more so after Narnia. All it took was the smallest noise and he would come-to immediately. He was first to hear the stairs creak at times that-in his mind- no mortal should be awake. He was also the first to hear Susan's sobs. But he was the last of them to know how to deal with these things.

He was good with governing. He was good with justice. He wasn't so great with emotions, so he didn't know how to approach Susan. He let things go for a while.

It was more of the same this night, but louder. He could hear Susan's stilettoes give a quiet clack on the floor. They echoed, no matter how softly she tried to walk. Tonight someone else was with her, in their house. Edmund figured it was her new beau stepping inside to say goodbye. Soon, quiet words drifted up to his room, which was located right over the foyer.

They were arguing, that much was apparent by the venom in Susan's voice-she could be quite vicious now when she wanted to, not so much the gentle spirit she used to be- but about what he couldn't tell. He heard the door slam, and this time no one was trying to be quiet, but yet Peter on the bed next to him still didn't wake.

Edmund felt too guilty for laying awake while his sister was hurt, so he pushed the blankets away. He shivered as the cold air hit him. It was the dead of night in one of the coldest winters yet, and the chill was instant.

He had tried, but he hadn't made it downstairs in time. As soon as he was up and in the hallway, he saw Susan retreat into her own room, her shoulders still quietly rocking with her sobs. Edmund didn't want to disturb her, so he slipped back in his room. He didn't know the lie that had been told to his sister that night and that Susan took to heart, the lie that her life meant nothing in the grand scheme of the universe.

Things were never the same after that, and now it wasn't just Edmund who noticed it. Susan had always been social, but somewhere along the way she had lost herself in the business. She wasn't just interested in fashion and make-up and parties. She was fashion and make-up and parties.

Each of the family took it in their own ways. The Pevensie parents were not surprised- they had seen this coming, and Helen kept saying it was just a phrase that almost every young girl went through.

Peter grew angry. They were the oldest, and they made a good team. While Lucy might have been Peter's favorite sister, Susan was the one who was always there when he needed advice or to bounce ideas around, but now it was obvious Susan was slowly burying her rational side.

Edmund wasn't sure what to feel. Out of all the various relationships between the siblings, the thread tying Edmund and Susan together was probably the weakest. They were both to stubborn and rational- their personalities usually conflicted and butted heads. However, inside, Edmund had to admit he even missed arguing with Susan, because it meant she was being herself.

Lucy...well, Lucy was just hurt. Susan's turning away from herself was nothing short of betrayal in her mind. Susan had been more than Lucy's sister: She had been her closest friend and the person she trusted more than anyone else, except maybe Peter.

As for Susan herself, she ignored them outwardly, but inwardly she felt her sibling's emotions radiating toward her. She wished she could reach out to them, but she knew they wouldn't understand. She was on her journey, the one that belonged solely to her. She never got that privilege of finding out whom she was like the rest of them did. Peter's journey was forced, as when he took up the crown of the High King of all of Narnia, he had no other choice but than to see what he was really made of inside.

Edmund had been trying to figure out who he was all his life in the shadow of his older brother, but his defining moment came when he realized he had a role in his family and they loved him no matter what. When he finally left the temptation of the White Witch after seeing the brutal reality of her cruelty was where he had been heated until purity in the crucible.

Lucy, Susan figured, had been born knowing what her purpose in life was. Her entire life was centered around things that weren't tangible, things that could not be seen with the eyes alone. Susan admired her for it, but she also thought that life wasn't for someone as reasonable as herself.

She never found out who she really was in Narnia. She couldn't go back. She couldn't get that chance again. So why bother even remembering it? She would find her identity, here, in England, and if she had to find it in the frills of parties and the arms of a boy, then so be it. She would do it, and she would do it all with a fake smile on her face.


End file.
